You must do a better job at convincing me.

Print Friendly, PDF & Email

I can’t help but think he isn’t real. I mean seriously?
A man in the sky who watches our every move and guides us through this life? Please…
You must do a better job at convincing me.
I have zero guidance. There’s no one looking out for me. Spare your breath because I can’t help but think he isn’t real.

I mean, seriously. All of those times I found myself surrounded by people who did not look like me: those fair skinned, god loving humans who hated me so much.
You spick.
Dirty Mexican.
I’m not even Mexican!
Go mow my lawn, you worthless piece of trash.
How could a God, a being so divine, treat the people who shout these words with pride so well? How could a God, a being so divine, leave me to be treated like shit?
For in the name of this same God my people were slaughtered!
Do you really expect me to believe he exists to guide and protect me?
You must do a better job at convincing me.

Think about it.
The little girls who are stripped of their innocence daily by men who you would think they should be able to trust.
The women who spend their entire lives with a man who beats them each time dinner is not prepared when he arrives
The ladies who spend fourteen hours working to get paid just as much as her male coworker who only works eight.
All the women who are not so “feminine” and so they are deemed a
Dyke,
and thus bound to end up in Hell.
And all the ones who get called a
Bitch
Slut
Whore
Loose
because she has sex with men who do the same thing but are called a
Champ
Player
a Man.

A God would never create such a world.

I’m tired. I’m so god damn tired of listening to mami tell me that Dios is watching after me.
That if I don’t behave, Dios me va castigar.
I’m so god damn tired of hearing it.
Next time you preach his words to me, I want you to explain to me why women keep getting
Raped,
Abused,
Beaten,
Killed…
I’m so god damn tired of hearing it.
Tired of letting it all happen.

Think about it.
He is an excuse for our oppression.

You really expect me to devote myself to some man in the sky? To trust his almighty being with my life?
He can’t even protect me from the men on this earth.
What makes him any different from the rest?
I mean, seriously. You must do a better job at convincing me.

I wrote this in response to the readings “Lightning” and “Esta Risa No Es de Loca.” Caridad Souza’s testimony really spoke to me and is something I can relate to. I tied it back to “Lightning” because I find the idea of a God absurd when so much oppression occurs in our society. It was especially interesting because religion wasn’t necessarily forced upon Quintaneles. Despite the scientific knowledge she has of the supernatural world, she has this idea of God. Don’t get me wrong, she has every right to believe in whatever she wants to believe in. I, on the other hand, just can’t seem to find this idea of God. It’s always been something that has bothered me and have been unable to really talk about. Every woman in my family is very religious, so I don’t really have anyone to express my thoughts to on this subject. No matter how much I try to explain it to them, they can’t seem to see it from my point of view.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *