ENG160.20 Assignment 1 Letter Writing (Mode)(1)

 

Letter to my Past Self

Danielle Potack

8 Bluebird Court

Clarkstown, NY 10956

September 17, 2021

 

Danielle Potack

8 Bluebird Court

Clarkstown, NY 10956

 

Hi,

I’m writing to you now, as an 18-year-old, to talk to you about some things. I know Freshman year isn’t off to the best start, to say the least. But listen, you do make it through this, and it does eventually work itself out. But if you’d let me, I’d like to give you some advice about what’s going on for you and what’s coming.

First of all, I want you to consider that there are some things that you don’t have to share with certain people. Even if someone is sharing a lot about themselves, it doesn’t mean you have to do the same. I don’t want to tell you what not to talk to them about, but I do want you to think carefully about what you’re sharing. I know how this will end, and I’m sorry but it’s not pretty. They aren’t the people you want them to be. And they will keep telling you things you can’t handle. I know you’re grateful to them because you feel like you finally have people who understand, and they feel the same, but there’s a very fine line between understanding and violating boundaries. All three of you are struggling right now. So, my advice to you is that you redefine your boundaries with both of them. They shouldn’t be able to come to you with everything. And you shouldn’t dump everything on them either. I know you want to be there for them, and you can do that without it hurting you.

On that note, we have to talk about Michael. You don’t fully realize what your brain has done here, but I have the benefit of hindsight. Don’t lie to him. And don’t lie to yourself. I know you think you need to because of the place he’s in but that’s exactly why you shouldn’t. It won’t change if you just “suck it up and deal until he’s better”. And quite frankly, it’s pretty messed-up for you to think that this is the way to go about things. It’s not going to change on your end and convincing yourself, and him, that it might isn’t the way to go about this. As for your plans for the 7th, I can’t tell you not to go. I don’t want you to go, but I know you will anyway. I want you to remember this, though: tell someone. And tell him how you feel about everything. He’s going to say and do (and try to do) some really uncomfortable things. He’s not a bad person and he doesn’t mean any harm but that doesn’t mean it’ll hurt you any less, so you need to tell somebody and make it clear to him that what he did was unacceptable, and you won’t tolerate it. He needs help that you cannot give him.

Beyond your friends, though, school is going to be okay. It’s a bit murky to me now, but I think you’re in that weird in-between period where you’re not sure what’s going to happen and you’re still really against the major suggestion. I understand why you don’t want that. But it’s going to happen anyway. I know that sounds awful right now, but it is the best thing that ever happens to you. I’m writing to you now from my college dorm, which seems impossible to you. But yes, you make it to college. You graduated on time, too. And Birchwood is the reason why. I wouldn’t be here without that place. So, when you do go there in March, do your best to embrace it. It won’t be easy at first, but it gets better.

Overall, be honest with yourself and other people. Set clear boundaries and don’t be afraid to stick to them. You’re trying as hard as you can with school, there is no “if I just tried harder maybe then…”, even if your brain has you convinced that you’re not trying hard enough.

It will work itself out, just accept the help you’re given. You’re going to be okay.

 

Much love,

Danielle

 

 

Letter to my Future Self

Danielle Potack

8 Bluebird Court

Clarkstown, NY 10956

September 17, 2021

 

Danielle Potack

166 Salisbury Point

Nyack, NY 10960

 

Hi,

I’m writing to you from our first year of college. I hope things are well, I hope you actually were able to do the five-year program and you have your master’s degree, if not then this is a little awkward. Do you have a job yet? I realize that that’s probably not the best way to phrase that question and also that everyone probably asks you that daily. But I want to know mostly because I want to know how you’re doing and I’m assuming that if you have a job already, things are going well.

But I have some questions for you. Like, am I doing enough right now? I recognize that this is probably imposter syndrome, but I just get the feeling that I’m already behind, like I maybe don’t even belong here in the first place. I feel like I’m constantly trying to prove myself but there isn’t anybody I’m proving myself to, it’s just me. I just want to know that I’m on the right track and I’m not falling behind and I’m not already failing at all of this. I’m not failing classes, that’s not what I mean, but hopefully you understand what I mean.

Right now, I’m doing some work on some… personal stuff. Some of the stuff my brain has been really mean to me about. It been weighing pretty heavily on my mind. I guess I’m wondering if I am able to work through it or am I still dealing with this at age 24? (Or are you 23? Side question: am I still bad at math?) I don’t want to believe that this causes problems forever, but it’s causing problems right now and I wish it wasn’t. I’ve been linking it back to Michael (yes, even four years after the fact), but have you had some other realization? Is there a different reason that I’m not seeing right now? What should I do about it?

Do you have a boyfriend yet? I mean, look I don’t want to focus on this but as of right now boys are driving me crazy, so I’d like to know if it works out. I think it’s a fair question. If you have any advice on what I should do about him right now, please tell me because I’m stuck.

Moving on, it seems a bit silly, but I just really need to know if I’ll start dressing the way I want. I’d hoped to get to college, to get away from home and all the opinions there and find the confidence to actually express myself the way I’ve always felt I couldn’t. I haven’t found it yet but it’s still early and I have some hope. Are you dressing the way I (we?) always wanted to?

If you do have a job, where is it? Did you actually find one in an alternative school/special ed. school? I know that, realistically, I probably won’t start out there, but wouldn’t it be cool if I got to? I know that they all wanted you to come back and work at Birchwood, and for a little bit you thought you might like that, too, but please tell me you don’t work there. That school will always have a place in my heart but oh my god I cannot imagine going back there as an employee. I can’t do it. I understand that, comparatively speaking, teachers in Clarkstown make good money but I don’t want it to come to that. Please tell me I’m not working in my former high school.

Along a similar line, I know I addressed this to you as if you live in Nyack, which would be kind of cool, but are you planning to go anywhere else? I don’t want to stay that close to home forever. Maybe I’ll wind up living somewhere up here. I want to go new places and have new experiences. I want a life that isn’t tied to home forever. Do I get that?

Okay, I didn’t expect this to be so long, I should probably wrap it up. If you have anything that you wish you’d known your first year of college, please tell me. I would welcome literally any advice you have with open arms.

 

Love,

Danielle