Major Project
Examining Height Difference in the Female-identifying People and Its Social and Romantic Implications
Globally, a variety of factors contributes to the ‘mate’ selection process in humankind. In the United States, height influences which of these ‘mates’ are desirable to others based on gender roles, binaries and heteronormativity. The western ideal dictates that men should be taller than their female partners. Height over their female partners establishes and reinforces men’s role at the top of the hierarchy in patriarchal culture. Patriarchal culture intends to place men above all other people, and intends that all institutions, and social norms reinforce this and benefit them. Desirable women in this society are docile and above all else, physically attractive to their male partners, which entails being shorter than said partner. When met with those who who are unable to conform to conventions like gender norms, heteronormativity, or the stereotypical ‘nuclear family’, others often react poorly out of their uneasiness and the disruption of the status quo. When female identifying individuals fall outside a traditional realm of expectation, especially those who are taller than average, they are often seen as less desirable or even rejected by potential romantic partners.
First, expectations for female identifying individuals exist under the notion of heteronormativity. The stereotypical romantic relationship in the U.S. still depicts that of a man and a woman. This is significant because the stress on height differences exists between the male and female gender binary. Women who are shorter than men and enjoy stereotypically feminine activities which align with particular stereotypes, are often perceived as subservient and beneficial to a man in a given heterosexual relationship. This is what makes tall women who do not fit inside that preexisting archetype threatening. Their existence challenges the idea that there is one universal way for people to exist, and that height is undesirable since it fails to fulfill gender roles.
In a study researching the perceptions of masculinity and femininity, one particular conclusion determined that, “as the female target was perceived to be more homosexual and more bisexual by participants, she was also perceived to be less feminine. As the female target was perceived to be more heterosexual, she was perceived to be more feminine,”(Flanders, 1). This specific finding suggests that tall women who are typically perceived as more masculine may not be perceived as heterosexual as shorter women. Also, it implies also that their height and assumed homosexuality or bisexuality would repel male heterosexual partners. It is a stereotype that queer women adopt aspects of the opposite gender, so they are often perceived as more masculine than straight women even when that is not always true. The same judgements can be cast upon women who already have stereotypically masculine traits like height. This explains why men whose female partners are taller than them are prone to feeling emasculated. Having a tall female partner would violate the gender roles so deeply instilled in them. Thusly, female identifying individuals who are deemed “abnormally tall” are not treated as desirable romantic or sexual partners based on the emphasized importance of height in such relationships.
As height difference in romantic relationships is the backbone of Netflix’s Tall Girl, many layers of the topic and its implications are presented through its duration. The film follows the protagonist Jodi through her trials being ‘abnormally tall’ in high school. Her shame is evident through her narration and the overall tone of the film’s writing. Interestingly, a research project in 2004 which was published in Psychology of Women Quarterly studied the responses of female participants based on anticipated observers. The concept which presented itself through this study was ‘self-objectification’ which correlates with Jodi’s behavior in Tall Girl. This idea took particular hold of participants when expecting to be judged by a man. Especially since, “self-objectification is described as an adaptive strategy adopted by women to anticipate the repercussions of their appearance on an observer, specifically a male observer,”(Calogero,1). This purpose ingrained in women to be an object of desire to men, whether they are conscious of this effort, is the root of much of their suffering. Reducing oneself to a “marketable item” is dehumanizing and fails to acknowledge the value of that individual’s existence. At some point the woman who self-objectifies no longer lives for herself and her priority is to please a male audience, and thus she is miserable. The effect is emphasized in Tall Girl through Jodi’s hesitance to fully express herself outwardly and her continual pursuit of male validation which is what makes her unhappy in the first place. This feeling of body shame from self-objectification can be amplified for tall girls, since they already exist outside a standard for appearance in women.
In an opening scene of the film, a clear rejection of Jodi’s height is made by a boy who begins flirting with her in the library. They are both seated but once he approaches her and she stands, he essentially laughs in her face and runs away. For viewers, it is clear that height is the chief obstacle for Jodi in her love life and self-confidence. This person was attracted to her and showed interest up until the moment she towered over him, so her height is obviously something that made him uncomfortable. It is not surprising that Jodi would be impacted negatively herself by his response. In fact, the study, “Does Height Matter? An Examination of Height Preferences in Romantic Coupling,” confirms that the boy in Tall Girl is not alone in his view on women’s height. Results based on survey responses yielded that men in western countries almost always preferred to have some height over their female partners. This is fascinating since men’s responses in African countries differed in that they had no strict height preferences if any. Typically they preferred their female partners to be of equal height or slightly taller, which only makes apparent the cultural difference when compared to western culture in the realm of ‘mating’.
The study also presented a set of two explanations for these preferences based on the findings of similar research by others. One justification was biological, indicating that women were more likely to seek a taller male partner subconsciously to ensure potential offspring would also be tall, strong, and better able to defend themselves. The remaining explanation suggested that a height difference between romantic partners fulfilled gender roles. In a section of extended responses by participants, the main justification for height preference in a relationship overwhelmingly had to do with gender roles and conforming to societal expectation. One specific segment mentions that, “In fact a small percentage of women overtly stated that being with a taller man made them feel more feminine. “I hate to rule it out, but I feel as if dating a much shorter man would make me feel large and unfeminine,” (Yancey, 13). This suggests that women feel less feminine and perhaps less attractive if their male partners are shorter than them. Whether the shorter male partner is a good fit for them otherwise, one has to take into account the ridicule such a couple may encounter for retaliating against gender norms. Height is something not characteristically feminine according to social conventions about gender. As mentioned above, Jodi in Tall Girl continually experiences repercussions in the form of bullying, self-objectification, or general body shame as a result of her inability to conform to gender expectations of height. The behaviors of other characters towards Jodi emphasizes the common urge to conform to these social conventions. The peers that tease and ridicule Jodi at school for example, by acting out and attacking Jodi’s claim to femininity, may be attempting to protect and and preserve security in their own gender identity and roles within society.
Similarly, other differences in height subject people like Tiffanie Didonato, who has a form of dwarfism, to social rejection. In her article, “Big Love,” Tiffanie provides an anecdote about her own son who experienced rejection from a peer based on her dwarfism. Although her article does not concern her appearance and romantic repercussions, it discusses the parental-child relationship. This relationship is pivotal for children because it is often responsible for the formation of their belief systems which informs how they treat people for the rest of their lives. Belief systems which may reflect traditional social conventions like gender roles and heteronormativity. Tiffanie compares her discriminatory experience with other parents who do not conform to other social conventions like heteronormativity. In a different rejection story, another parent expresses that,
Of course I cried,” Shea-Lawson shares. “I didn’t cry because someone judged me and my wife. We’re adults. We have a hard shell. I didn’t cry because my daughter wasn’t invited to a party or sleepover. I cried because that comment took our daughter’s innocence away, as hate often does. Something that was so normal to her was taken and pitted against her.” (1)
As in this example, social stigma is present even in their children’s peers. Since children’s worldview is directly influenced by the people who raise them, it can be concluded that stigma and hatred towards people who disrupt the status quo is a learned behavior. If this hatred is what a child is taught, it becomes simple for them to reject a family that does not look like their own. The social rejection of and by children in school and their reactions is representative of each parent’s respective beliefs. It also clarifies how even as young as childhood, there are consequences for those whose worldview or identities differ from the majority. The behavior of people who fear straying from the conventional transcends across a variety of instances. This rejection appears in both childhood social settings like school and even for women who are tall who want to be accepted socially and romantically. This is what makes the content of “Big Love” applicable to tall women who feel undesirable.
Furthermore, the stigma created around ‘othered’ people is derived from a place of fear and hatred. Generationally, people are taught that being ‘normal’ is equivalent to being safe, comfortable, and happy within a patriarchal society like in the U.S.. At the same time, since the human race is naturally diverse, there are people incapable of leading these so called ‘normal’ lives. For some, this means that their dwarfism makes families uncomfortable and deprives their children the opportunity to socialize and bond with one another. For others, being openly LGBTQ+ also separates them from typically represented families and suggests that their identity is not normal or worthy of acceptance. Inability to conform to tradition, considering those who are visibly unconventional, is historically associated with moral failings and even a degree of malevolence. This learned sentiment motivates people to respond negatively to those who reject tradition.
Dating traditions should be considered carefully from a rhetorical standpoint as they are based in stigma and a heteronormative way of thinking. In a patriarchy where men are held at the highest importance, other groups, namely female identifying individuals are highly oppressed and stigmatized. Since the patriarchy revolves around men, archetypes for women’s identity are centered on pleasing them and preserving power dynamics men wish to establish. This compulsion to please is deeply ingrained in women, and the highest amount of body shame and insecurity they experience is in anticipation of the male gaze. In heterosexual relationships, tall women in particular cannot always meet the expectation that they will be shorter than their male partner and still satisfy that gender role. Although this inability can cause discomfort in men who would then fail to conform to gender roles themselves, the most detrimental effect is internal for these women. Societies like the U.S. places a woman’s femininity at such a level of significance in the scheme of her identity that failure to meet any one feminine expectation could almost cause an identity crisis. When a female individual experiences this insecurity with their identity, they are likely to feel unworthy of love or their existence, perpetuating the societal desire to conform. The desire to conform and exist within the expectations society sets forth only causes a cycle of harm and suffering.