I hate to start off my year on a negative note, but the realities of my current teaching situation seem to be too much for me to handle this year. My district has broken my teaching contract several ways, and I feel as though I am struggling filling the duties asked of me. Duties that I should not have to do because my contract is supposed to protect me from such situations. I have become disgusted with the methods and decisions my district takes. It demonstrates lack of concern for students and teachers. I don’t know how to be heard in a district that services over 32,000 students and has 53 schools. The lack of organization is evident, and you can see most days that administration is just trying to get the most basic needs of the day met. I have come to relate my district to an abusive relationship. One in which many teachers stay because they love and are fighting for their students, but the people in power are beating us until we succumb to the inevitable.
I am not okay with the advice given to me from many teachers; implement easy lessons and do less with the students. I think this year will be the one where I quit. It breaks my heart to say such things because I have grown very fond of my student population. They are the reason I have great days. They fill my heart with love with the comments they make, but I feel it is no longer enough. I think of situations, such as; when I was met with heart felt smiles, and warm hugs during our school’s new grand opening (my home school—School 12- was newly renovated) to get me through the days. However, I no longer want to get through the days. I want them to be what they were the past four and half years…enjoyable. I had one of my favorite previous Kindergarten students run up to me and ask what kind of art we would be doing this year. It was sad for me to tell her that I was no longer her art teacher. The allocations for my school changed yet again this year. The school’s art program has decreased from a 2.5 art teaching position to a 1.6 position in three years. I don’t want to be forced to change schools every year, I want to grow with my kids.
I am not quite sure how graduate school will fit into my current situation. Organizing myself in an itinerant position has been very rough. Right now, giving my students the best of me is my main priority. I am hoping to find a routine that will give me some peace of mind. However, I do not feel I am there yet. Rather that I am barely staying afloat lost in the Pacific Ocean with nothing to help me besides a random piece of drift wood.
Visual Arts/Studio Research
MSEd in Art Education @ SUNY New Paltz Fall 2016
Melissa, you are such an amazing artist and a fantastic teacher, do not surrender! I know some days I feel like throwing in the towel, quitting, and running fast for the hills. After being cursed out, assaulted, disrespected and threatened on a daily basis, without support from the district, I understand where you are coming from. There are days that I am ashamed of the lack of accountability of administration where they fail to back their teachers but instead run scared from parents. I feel under worked and underappreciated constantly. Also, we share similar stories, I know you are traveling. I think the difficulties of traveling are completely arbitrary for those who have not yet had the joys of the experience. Without any physical space, storage or supplies, it is a battle every day for me to even feel a part of a community. Try to stay positive, things will get better, you are strong, intelligent and will rise above the difficulties. I know you will! The great days will soon come again 🙂 Hang in there
I hope things get better for you this year! I know your students adore you and they would lose in the long run. With such a huge district, I can’t imagine how they can get anything done!! My district is pretty small and really all over the place, but I’m starting to think thats just how it is everywhere. It will get better!!
Melissa,
Wow. This is a very challenging situation. Itinerancy compounds the issues couched in the administration. This is unfortunate since the admin set the tone and expectations for all. If there is no foreseeable future where the admin will change, a difficult decision may have to be made, but quitting should be something to hold out on deciding. Sometimes the most challenging situations render unique outcomes that can be, in the long run, highly beneficial. Granted this line of thought does little to remedy your situation, but I think you encapsulated it best by stating that giving your students the best you have to offer is the best orientation. My 1st year of teaching was very challenging for me and I often thought of quitting, but didn’t and I’m glad that I didn’t. My admin changed, I was provided with a room [I was on a cart with a closet for an office] and everything improved. Of course this isn’t a guaranteed. Your pedagogical ecology in this scenario is very complex and I’m very interested in how you decide to pursue the interconnected influences in this class. Steady on.
Kevin