Assignment 1 Final
Marianna Gadaleta
DeGrassi
Composition 1
September 30, 2021
A Place Where I Belong
I have almost always felt like I was more than one person, having different personas that I would let different people see. It started when I was young, my friends would see one side of me, my family another, and then there is what’s actually going on inside my head. It always made me feel as though I never really belonged anywhere. I didn’t have a safe place, somewhere I felt I belonged no matter what. My friends would describe me as someone who is easy-going and sarcastic. To my family I am stubborn and opinionated. Being around these different people I talk and act significantly differently. I do this to protect myself from the judgement of others, which entails me acting how I think those particular people would want me to behave.
Hearing a ball being kicked, I look up and see the crowd of my teammates waiting their turn to be next in the drill at practice. Everyone’s faces are rosy, I can see all their breaths when they breathe out into the early morning. Some of my friends and I are standing around just talking and laughing, then Mandy adds something into the conversation. She has been my teammate and best friend for over 5 years. I look at her almost in disbelief at what she said. Then, I hear the laughter of my friends around me. My eyebrows knit together, as I finally process what just happened. My friend just said a derogatory phrase about people in the LGBTQ+ community, and my teammates laughed. I’m so confused, I thought. Why would they laugh? Why did she think it was okay to say that? I do nothing though; I don’t say a word and just walk away. For the rest of practice my mind is just on what was said, and how I didn’t confront her about it. My brother has said almost the exact same thing, except the minute those words came out of his mouth I told him off, explaining why he can’t say that and how hurtful that could be to others. Here though I did nothing, because to my friends nothing ever bothers me, I hate confrontation, and they would probably say I am the most easy-going person you will ever meet. I felt like I had a role to play, and I couldn’t stray from who I was supposed to be.
I grew up constantly changing my personality from person to person, and the feeling of not truly belonging anywhere was always in the back of my mind. It took a toll on me for a long time, because I felt as though no one really knew who I was. I have always liked such a wide variety of different things. I love the artsy stuff such as drawing, baking, and watching ballet. The thing is, I also have a passion for working out, watching basketball, Nascar, and any other sport imaginable. I had this split personality. Feeling as though I needed to pick one side of my personality each day so they didn’t cross into each other. I struggled to find a sense of purpose in life, and I tried to find a place where I felt I belonged. I was always actively seeking a safe space, where I didn’t feel I had to be anyone in particular. One day when I was about 15, I was bored and randomly found a book series that I had read when I was nine called Canterwood Crest. That day my life changed.
I now keep my head in between the pages of paper. My mind in a different world. I go on adventures and live hundreds of different lives in approximately two hundred to four hundred pieces of paper to create alternate realities for myself. I read anywhere and everywhere I can, whether it’s sitting at my desk, lying in bed, or even on my phone during class; it doesn’t matter because I find a way to go into these alternate worlds. I have found comfort in books and the stories being told that are filled with triumphs and hardships. Some stories can be described as magical while others can show misfortune and suffering. One of my favorites being Girl In Pieces by Kathleen Glasgow. There are so many different walks of life in the pages of a book that I always find someone who I can relate to.
What I never expected when I picked up a book to read recreationally for the first time was that I would find that place I had been searching for, somewhere I felt I belonged. A place where I didn’t feel the expectations or judgement of others. There were other people like myself who I could relate to, and they weren’t just fictional characters, but they were real people. Others who also faced the same struggles and use reading as their outlet as well. You can go anywhere in the world, and you will find the book community. Also, on any social media platform they will be there as well. Most known though, is BookTok, which is a place on TikTok where the book community can come together. You can find videos from book recommendations, rants about the ending of people’s favorite stories, and even inside jokes. Honestly, the only downside is my bank account definitely doesn’t appreciate it. The comment section of these videos are filled with hundreds of people coming together. I have interacted with people from all different walks of life. It doesn’t matter where you’re from, what you look like, or how society expects you to act because we are all connected by the stories we read on the pages of these books.
Reading makes me feel like it doesn’t matter what my personality is or who I am supposed to be that day, because no matter what, there will be something in that story I can connect to. I don’t need to worry and stress about how I think I’m supposed to act because it allows me to just be myself. The person who is open-minded, understanding, passionate, and stubborn. It may be used as an escape from the real world, but to me it feels like home.