I know why you stick around now. It isn’t because you love me, because if you did you would not treat me the way that you do. It isn’t because you just wanted me for my body either, because if that were the case you’d be long gone by now. You stay because I’m so submissive to you. You stay because I’m drawn to every word that comes out of your mouth and because I cling to you so necessarily. You feed off of it. You gain power from my vulnerability. But the more of myself I give to you, the less I have to myself. I am no longer me because of you. Over time I have lost what I love most about myself. Before you, I never took shit from anyone. I was radiant and almighty. But, because I wanted you so bad, I gave you the best of me and now you won’t give it back. Your superiority brings you joy… te has hecho mas hombre y mas fuerte. Y a ti que te importa, if your power means my detriment, so be it.
I hope you realize what you’re doing and you find some other way to protect your fragile masculinity some day.
This is a response to the reading, Dispelling the Sombras, Grito mi nombre con rayos de luz by Ines Hernandez Avila. In this reading, she describes the effects of erasure. She focuses on the roles race/ethnicity and gender in erasure. Her opening quotes that focused on gender got me to thinking about my own life and led me to reflect upon why men behave the way they do.