Ivette

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Dear Ivette,

Like you tengo un testimonio de dolor. Mi papá se me fue when I was eight years old. His hands like yours were soft and almost a sign of protection of mi. love that you said that you started life looking backwards because I have lived that way my whole life until I came to college. I carried my mother’s depression for a long time because I had to be her best friend, she did not have no one else. My mother’s tears were my way to freedom of being what everyone expected me to be, so I thank you for that. I knew that for my mother to feel old about herself I had to be her bridge for her pain. My mother’s fears more losing me than her own life, but like your mother I fear my past because I cannot take back my mistakes or things I have said. I fear my future like your father, scared to be everything everyone said I would. Fear of doing anything right, not making my mother proud, being a loser. Ivette, sometimes I look at myself and ask why I am so harsh on myself. Me and you are not both from Puerto Rico pero I since the sazon between us how we struggled to be where we want to be. My father when we do speak tells me all the time what I study or am doing will never get me any money, he is locked away but does not still seem to understand that I do not need riches nor fame. I want to help students, Latina students that look like me, struggle like me, and cry like me because I want them to have a role model and to live up to themselves not anyone else.

Me encanto the way you said that although you were the bridge you could not choose sides on a bridge and that was hard for you. When leaving to college I had the opportunity to pick my own side and be my own bridge, mami at first did not get that and thought the worse but see your story symbolizes to me faith and hope. The way your mother spoken about men and how you are strong and we do not need them was beautiful; especially under teachings. My mother tells me all the time to get an education and to not depend on any man and she compares her past relationships and the way men have hurt her. You see Ivette we are not our mothers and something our mothers hear fear for us more than we do because they don’t want to be the mother with a screwed-up child. Men are not trusted, I would never forget my first heartbreak the first thing my mother told me was I told you so. Your parents like my parents take me to speak up for myself and more definitely not to let anyone take control of my thoughts and what is mine. I thank you Ivette and I hope one day I can meet you, you have been such a good person and you deserve the best. Like you the best gift I can give my mom is my education and love.

 

-Con Amor,

Menorka

 

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