Dominic Schuch

May 5,  2022

Professor Newcomb

Revision Statement

 

Throughout my research process, the way I think about my object has changed drastically. Many innovative ideas have emerged. Seeing the Xbox 360 as a childhood memory was very important to me. Even though it was a memory, I never actually thought about it as deeply as I should’ve. I have learned so many things as the Xbox 360 has taught me many things like having fun, communication skills, teamwork, etc., everything you need as a kid. Not to mention your also meeting new people as well. The Xbox involves you to think critically and fast and is also effective to help your team win. One strategy that I thought was very good was the thinking on paper strategy. Thinking on paper was super easy for me and helps me get everything I want to express about myself or the Xbox 360 all out on paper. Three areas that I worked on in terms of revision would be organizing my ideas in a better way to make more sense, grammar mistakes, and being more descriptive in my writing to keep the reader hooked. I made a revision to my negative definition of my object that was not surface level for me. According to my essay, the Xbox 360 portrays childhood as a time that isn’t about overusing video games, not about eye strain from playing the system for long periods, and not about playing so much with someone’s health. With this revision, I am able to see my work in a new light since I am describing the console as things it isn’t instead of just listing negatives, so the reader is able to understand the definition more clearly. Through the use of the writing strategies I have developed, I can present my argument in a much more effective way in other situations. As a result of learning new grammar and using my creativity more, I am also able to be much more descriptive in my writing.