Examining the Poet’s Mind and Identity Through their Work_ Andrea Gibson’s Pansy
Dani Gardner
Professor Vinciguerra
ENG 170
September 26, 2019
Examining the Poet’s Mind and Identity Through their Work: Andrea Gibson’s Pansy
* Andrea Gibson uses they/them/theirs pronouns.
Andrea Gibson grew up in a Baptist home, they struggle with anxiety and depression, and their work centers on gender and sexuality, love and heartbreak, classism, feminism, and activism. In Gibson’s 2015 publication, Pansy, these themes are prevalent and essential to describing their identity, how they’ve grown as a person, and how they cope with the ebbing and flowing of their state of wellness. Ultimately, the individual that Gibson portrays themselves as is relevant to modern day psychology and conditions of anxiety and Obsessive Compulsive disorder (ODC). Gibson illustrates the aforementioned qualities of their person primarily with anecdotes about beings and things in their life, deeply profound metaphors and imagery, and admirable vulnerability.
Andrea Gibson published Pansy in 2015. The collection with poems within this publication are thoroughly introspective, and tempermental to the evolving being – that is to say that the state, tone, and perspective in which Gibson wrote in is highly subjective to shift from the perception of Gibson in 2019, four years after publishing Pansy and four years of having more time to reflect and grow. The reader of this text should realize the good and bad aspects of Gibson’s past that describes in dealing with their mental illnesses and previous relationships. Moreover, the way in which society, especially the progressive American society, has changed drastically in it’s perception and approach to mental illness since 2015. As a reader in 2019, it is easy to forget how mental illnesses were poorly handled and mistreated, which makes Gibson’s voice that much stronger and their work that much more imperative.
Pansy, and various other works by Andrea Gibson provide context to what it is like to experience major panic attacks and anxious episodes. According to Psychology Today, a panic attack is “a sudden rush of fear and anxiety that causes both physical and psychological symptoms” (Psychology Today). Gibson draws on specific instances in which this has occurred to them; if the reader has been in similar situations, it is natural for them to resonate with Gibson’s experiences. It is of relevance to note, when looking at the work of Andrea Gibson, that Psychology Today includes in their description of panic attacks, “the level of fear experienced is unrealistic and out of proportion to the events or circumstances that trigger the panic attack” (Psychology Today). Because Gibson struggles profusely with anxiety, their line of work is tumultuous because the audience is practically their journal and the ink drools from their mouth as they engage in spoken word or publish their trauma for the world to see.
The opening line of the first poem in Pansy, “Elbows,” is: “I get panic attacks when I’m being looked at.” Right away, Gibson establishes that they struggle with a mental illness and the reader is prepared to take a step in the vehement road that is Gibsons lament and growth.
In “Elbows,” Gibson personified their panic, as if it became them: “My panic is not a lifeguard, / but you can’t tell my panic that. / My panic googled, ‘How to perform CPR on yourself’”. This literary approach is an attempt to examine panic as if it were more than just a feeling, even more than just a psychological and physiological phenomenon; by personifying panic, the panic becomes a being that determines decisions, relationships, and the whole identity of Gibson.
Later in Pansies, Gibson digs deeper into how their panic defines them and their everyday life in the poem, “Panic Button Collector”: “I never eat nuts on an airplane / out of fear that I will suddenly develop a nut allergy / and I have to asphyxiate / I don’t want it to happen at 30 thousand feet.” In the poem, “Pansies,” Gibson claims, “It’s been years since my life was a picnic / where I wasn’t freaking out / about the possible gluten allergies of pigeons / being fed bread in the park.”Gibson focuses on the minutiae of every situation that they encounter – they blow it out of proportion and, referencing the Psychology Today definition of panic attacks, the level of fear that they experience is exaggerated far beyond the extent of the realistic consequences of a given situation.
Gibson’s work centers predominantly around love and heartbreak. They speak frequently of love had and love lost, how certain relationships manipulated their conscious mind and their thoughts, and how these relationships affected the ways in which they went along with their lives as an individual and as a poet. Samuel H. Barondes elaborates on the evolutionary value of moods in Molecules and Mental Illness, and ponders “…why moods exist in the first place” (Barondes 118) and inquires about, “ the biological function and the evolutionary advantage of this dimension of our behavior” (Barondes 118). Barondes then claims that “the best evidence for mood as a socializing agent is the persistent melancholy caused by separation from a loved one” (Barondes 119). While, in this context, Barondes is referring to the bond and mood determinant between a mother and their infant, it is relevant to the person the Gibson portrays themselves as – one that relies on others for inspiration, emotion, and admiration. It is clear that when Gibson is at their most vulnerable and especially anxious mentally, they are also reflecting on a past relationship (such as one between an ex or current lover, them and their mother, or even them and their dog) and its imperativeness on their current state of wellness. Thus, these relationships (in addition to their chemical and biological make-up as well as other life experiences) are primary contributors to Gibson’s anxious and obsessive compulsions and trauma.
In the section of Fears and Compulsions in Molecules and Mental Illness, Barondes classifies the symptoms of panic disorder as “recurrent attacks of intense terror that come on without warning and without any apparent relationship to external circumstances” (Barondes 179). On a further, more scientific level, Barondes explains that “Terror triggers massive activation of the sympathetic nervous system,…panic attacks may occur only once a week or even less frequently, but the victim’s dread of a new episode may be virtually continual” (Barondess 179). In Pansy, Gibson describes instances where they were experienced panic attacks on stage, an embarrassing, frightening experience that caused them to have another reason to dread performing in front of large crowds of people.
It is clear that there is an extent to which Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) compliments Gibson’s anxiety. The DSM-5 (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition) classifies OCD as repetitive, time-consuming behaviors (beyondocd.org). In “Panic Button Collector,” Gibson describes behaviors derivative of OCD: “I get online 30 times a day / for the sole purpose of making sure / I have not accidentally posted a nude photo of myself. I re-read my emails 14 times before pressing send / to ensureI have not written something in the email that could convict me of a crime.” These recurrent and persistent thoughts are characteristic of OCD, and contribute in large part to the identity that Gibson curates for themselves.
In the poem “The Madness Vase, AKA The Nutritionist,” Gibson shares their experience with traditional western treatment, and other approaches of dealing with their trauma and illness that they have tried: “the psychic told me my heart / carries too much weight… The first psycho-therapist said /… The yogi told me to stretch everything but truth. /… The pharmacist said, Klonopin,… The doctor said… The trauma said, Don’t write this poem” (Gibson 26). The topic of treatment and how to approach conditions such as anxiety and OCD vary depending on the person, culture, environment, and exact condition, especially the biological factors therin. Ultimately, treatment is a trial and error process. Barondes writes from a completely genetic and biological perspective, and details different drugs and approaches that work for people with Obsessive or Compulsive disorders: antidepressants have proven to be successful, as well as psychotherapy, in addition to behavioral therapies (Barondes 197-198). While treatments such as those might work, Gibson wrote this book of poetry, and this poem in particular, to illuminate the fact that not all trauma can be cured, and their way of living life is to find ways to cope with their illness, and live around it in the most humane way that they can.
Pansy is an enlightening exploration of Gibson’s identity, and how much their anxiety and OCD, in addition to many other aspects of their life -the good and the bad- have shaped who they are today. It is an imperative piece of literature for anyone that wishes to understand or connect with someone that has deeply embedded trauma.
Works Cited
Barondes, Samuel H. Molecules and Mental Illness. Indo American Books, 2007.
“Clinical Definition (DSM-5) of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD).” Beyond OCD,
http://beyondocd.org/information-for-individuals/clinical-definition-of-ocd.
“Panic Attack.” Psychology Today, Sussex Publishers, https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/conditions/panic-attack.