https://docs.google.com/document/d/13KdM5p3O6_yVAus-V43cm6hHL65S_yiFthRiCvL9fNo/edit?usp=sharing

Daniela Prieto

Professor Wheeler

Writing and Rhetoric

Due Date: 3/19/20

Society at Fault

Domestic violence can be physical, sexual, psychological, and/or economic violence that can happen to anyone. Most of the time, domestic abuse affects women because of sexism. Sexism is favoritism based on a person’s sex or gender. This bias has become challenging for children who are learning to follow specific gender norms so that they do not feel the backlash of society. Children learn from adults that the male gender is the favored gender, and girls are constricted. Sexism negatively affects the development of a child through rigid gender roles that reinforce beliefs that men are superior to women, and when children become adults, they believe abuse is justified because of these gender norms.

Society dictates how men and women should look, think, and act. These expectations are also pressured daily on children and create negative effects on them. Although children are allowed to deviate from expected gender norms more than adults, there are still negative consequences for children who do not conform to gender norms. Children have health consequences at a young age because of the burden to satisfy societal expectations. Children are overwhelmed when it comes to performing gender roles properly and can become physically and emotionally unstable. Emanuella Grinberg, a writer from CNN, states “Society influences impressions of what it means to be a boy or a girl, placing rigid expectations on children from a young age… rigidly enforced gender expectations are associated with increased lifelong risks of mental and physical health problems” (Grinberg). These rigid expectations create health problems for children because children can be intimidated by standards that are hard to meet. Society forces children to accept these rigid expectations because children are expected to change for those standards. As a child, these pressures could become harmful health problems that could eventually progress as they are exposed to more pressures. Society places gender stereotypes on children, which places a burden on children because they are expected to follow in those steps when they become an adult. Children also learn to interact with each other in obstructive ways because boys are taught they are valuable and can do much more compared to a girl, while girls are taught they cannot surpass a boy. Meaning that boys can get away with sexualizing girls, while girls have to accept they cannot surpass a boy and that prevents them from being able to speak up. Grinberg states, “Puberty deepens the divide, especially when it comes to sexuality, turning boys into predators and girls into potential targets” (Grinberg). At a young age, boys are taught to see girls more sexualized and girls are taught to accept this opinion from boys because girls are not allowed to speak up. Boys objectify girls through jokes and do not understand the problem with those comments, which can later become worse when they are older. When boys are older, rather than verbally objectifying girls, they might become physical and this can sometimes lead to rape and that’s when it becomes harmful for girls. Boys are taught that this predatory behavior is normal and boys will not get affected by comments they say. Boys are taught that engaging in these behaviors can be more dominating for males, as opposed to girls who are taught that accepting these behaviors is the only way that society accepts girls, which can lead to the submissiveness of females. Women’s lives are impacted negatively because they get fewer opportunities and they are not allowed to surpass a man while having to accept being seen less than a man.

Society also assigns certain stereotypes to the male gender and others to the female gender. The male gender is expected to act masculine and the female gender is expected to act feminine. Claire Cain Miller, a writer from The New York Times, states, “Men are tough; women are in touch with their feelings. Men are providers; women are nurturers. Men should punch back when provoked; women should be physically attractive” (Miller). Society teaches children at a young age how boys should have “masculine” traits and girls should have “feminine” traits. Children are taught that the male gender is supposed to be dominant and more involved with athletics or work, and the female gender should just be “physically attractive.” This is why men are given more opportunities compared to women. Society favors masculine traits over feminine ones, which sends a message to children that being associated with the male gender is better than being associated with the female gender. Miller states, “But a smaller majority — just under two-thirds of respondents — thought parents of boys should encourage them to do girls’ activities or develop skills considered feminine” (Miller). Parents approved of teaching girls masculine traits, but not the other way around. Girls are allowed to have masculine traits and do things that boys do, but society criticizes boys who learn feminine traits because it is associated with the inferior gender. Sexism, stemming from parents, is enforced in a child, who will also believe it is acceptable to prefer to be associated with the male gender than the female one. This cycle is ongoing and more children will learn that being masculine is preferable to being feminine and eventually pass it onto their children when they become parents.

This sexist cycle continues to devalue girls today. Although more girls are being empowered to seize opportunities, they are still being constricted by gender norms that sexualize their bodies. Natalie Proulx, a writer from The New York Times, states “Girls have been told they can be anything they want to be, and it shows. They are seizing opportunities closed to previous generations — in science, math, sports, and leadership. But they’re also getting another message: What they look like matters more than any of that” (Proulx). Girls are taught that being physically attractive is more valuable than their intelligence or creativity. This makes girls feel devalued because they are not accepted for their intelligence, but for being physically attractive. Proulx states, “About three-quarters of girls 14 to 19 in the survey said they felt judged as a sexual object or unsafe as a girl. By far, they said society considered physical attractiveness to be the most important female trait — a view that adult women share, surveys have found” (Proulx). The objectification of girls devalues the female gender because the moment girls are then seen as sexual, through the perspective of a boy, they are already being seen as inferior to a boy. This puts young girls at a disadvantage because girls believe they cannot excel in life like boys. Boys are still given more liberty because the male gender is favored in society. Boys are thought to be more intelligent when making decisions and are seen as stronger figures who are more as leaders than weaker ones. The objectification of the female gender also puts women under the gaze of men. It unconsciously reinforces the notion to women that they are living in a man’s world. The male gender is taught to uphold these beliefs that enable them to “talk down” to women. Proulx states, “Half of the boys said they’d heard men in their family make sexual jokes or comments about women; those boys were more likely to feel pressure to be tough and play along with sexism” (Proulx). Boys are pressured to act tough and be condescending to girls because of sexism. Boys are taught that sexism is a good thing, and they should be dominant. The idea of being dominant could express the characteristic of being narcissistic because boys begin to think they are better and they only deserve opportunities and continue to be condescending to girls. This could lead to mental health problems for boys who believe dominance is important because they become controlling in a relationship and show how their role in the relationship is valuable, which could provoke boys to harm younger girls who do not understand how to behave. This can lead to domestic violence when boys grow up.

The mind can become psychologically exhausted for a child who is learning how to “fit in” with society because then they cannot express themselves in a healthy manner. A child has to conform to the gender norms in order to be seen as a “normal” person; if not, they are seen as an outcast. Not being able to express yourself in a healthy manner can possibly create a cycle, where the child might grow up to be an abuser and believe that abuse is allowed to happen in relationships. The abuser may believe that abuse is a sign of discipline and not comprehend how they are scaring the victim from that traumatic experience. Harjinder Kaur-Aujla, a BABCP accredited cognitive Behavioral Psychotherapist, research on how an abusive male “oscillates between being “Mr. Right” to “Abuser” (Kaur-Aujla). Since society sees masculinity as the superior trait, men can get away with most of the abuse that women experience. Men tend to use their dominance to justify the abuse that they put on women. Domestic violence prevents women from expressing emotions and silences them when asking for help. It becomes a mental battle for many women who become emotionally unstable and confused.

Strict gender roles not only constrict the liberties of children, but they reinforce a system that allows one gender to rise above the other as well. Many societies are functionally patriarchy, a biased system of power that allows the male gender to dominate over the female one. Alia E. Dastagir, a journalist from USA Today, reports on a study that found that “there are still very consistent forms of patriarchy around the world” (Dastagir). Men are viewed as superior to women and children in many of the world’s cultures. This concept of men’s superiority became culturally and socially acceptable for a man to dominate a woman. In a patriarchal society, a man is seen as the head of the household and the person who controls the family. Danny Blay, a TEDTalk speaker, mentions how masculinity plays a role and how society associates masculinity with men. This association can add to domestic violence because men are seen as violent and strong and most of the time men are responsible for the violence that occurs in households. Blay states, “Behavior is a choice and violence is a choice” (Blay). Men chose to behave this way because of society because they thought they are entitled compared to women. It is a conscious thought that men believe the role of women is to be inferior and men to be superior. Blay uses the term “male privilege,” which is a term used to portray the benefits that men obtain because of their gender. In society, men are not judged as much as women are when it comes to the choices they make. However, when men choose to be un-“masculine”, men are criticized and shunned from the rest of society and are thought of as inferior because they do not meet the standards of an ideal “man”.

Without society’s pressures, children are not as affected by rigid gender expectations because, for the most part, they do not focus on gender stereotypes and everything is the same through their own perspective. Dastagir states, “They were treated the same, [children] thought. But once they began puberty, and their bodies developed, their worlds changed” (Dastagir). Children begin to shift their perspectives based on what they learn from adults around them. Society categorizes and imposes these rigid gender norms on children the moment they physically change from each other. Once children begin to mature and enter adulthood, they begin to view the opposite sex differently and treat the female gender as if it is inferior to the male gender. The way the media is used in society creates pervasive ideas based on the sexualization of female bodies that are imposed on girls who weren’t gendered as children. Girls who were not gendered learned based on the media what is accepted in society and what is not accepted. Dastagir states, “They look at the media — it’s a whole system out there that’s transmitting these inequitable norms, and so we have to think of it more on that level” (Dastagir). Girls feel restricted because of the common misconception that they need to be valued for their appearance. Women in the media portray themselves as models with luxurious brand names. Society creates the idea that beauty is important and women believe that they should meet those societal expectations. This can hurt women’s self-esteem because they begin comparing themselves to the expectations that can be hard to reach. 

Women, in general, all go through a lot and it can become harmful in different ways. The University of Bristol created a study, stating how domestic violence can have “serious consequences for women’s physical, mental, sexual and reproductive health, negatively impacts on the well-being of children and families and has implications for wider society’s economic and social development” (University of Bristol). Not only does society reinforce the ideals that women are expected to follow, but women continue to suffer from domestic violence as well. Men do not understand that women go through a lot and it can become stressful when you have the whole world watching how you behave or act and it can become complicated for their own health. A clinic staff, from the Mayo Clinic, researched in-depth patterns of domestic violence in relationships and answered questions some people had as to why some victims were not ready to seek help and it was “because you believe you’re at least partially to blame for the abuse in the relationship” (“Domestic Violence”). This advice is important for women who are suffering and feel like they are at fault. Mainly women are considered to go through domestic violence and are strong when they decide to speak out on what they have experienced. However, victims of domestic violence are not solely women and although society shuns men who are abused, they should not blame themselves for what is happening and rather speak on their experiences. Everyone has a voice and should be heard especially if society chooses to restrict those based on stereotypical gender norms.

In conclusion, sexism, the belief that the male gender is superior to the female gender, causes more harm than good in the development of children. This makes children susceptible to being criticized by society and creates physical and mental health problems for them. It also can lead to domestic violence because as an adult they resort to abusing their partners rather than seeking help. It creates two constricting and hierarchical categories for children to fit in and continue perpetuating. These categories can limit the female gender when searching for opportunities in the future, while the male gender dominates in all areas.

Works Cited

Blay, Danny, director. Boys Will Be Boys | Danny Blay | TEDxStKilda. TEDTalk, 6 Aug. 2016, youtu.be/5kaU69DTxxo.

Dastagir, Alia E. “Gender Stereotypes Are Destroying Girls, and They’re Killing Boys.” USA Today, Gannett Satellite Information Network, 22 Sept. 2017, www.usatoday.com/story/news/2017/09/21/gender-stereotypes-destroying-girls-and-theyre-killing-boys/688317001/.

“Domestic Violence: How to Leave a Dangerous Situation.” Mayo Clinic, Mayo Foundation for Medical Education and Research, 1 Mar. 2017, www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/adult-health/in-depth/domestic-violence/art-20048397.

Grinberg, Emanuella. “This Is What Happens When Gender Roles Are Forced on Kids.” CNN, Cable News Network, 3 Oct. 2018, www.cnn.com/2017/09/20/health/geas-gender-stereotypes-study/index.html.

Kaur-Aujla , Harjinder. “A Gap Exposed: What Is Known About Sikh Victims of Domestic Violence Abuse (DVA) and Their Mental Health?” A Gap Exposed: What Is Known About Sikh Victims of Domestic Violence Abuse (DVA) and Their Mental Health? –, 3 June 2019, dx.doi.org/10.5708/EJMH.14.2019.1.10.

Miller, Claire Cain. “Men and Women Say They’re More Different Than Similar.” The New York Times, The New York Times, 5 Dec. 2017, www.nytimes.com/2017/12/05/upshot/men-women-gender-bias-poll.html.

Proulx, Natalie. “Do You Feel Constricted by Gender Norms?” The New York Times, The New York Times, 14 Nov. 2018, www.nytimes.com/2018/11/14/learning/gender-norms-pressure.html.

University of Bristol. “Domestic Violence Is Widely Accepted in Most Developing Countries, New Study Reveals.” ScienceDaily, ScienceDaily, 31 Oct. 2018, www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2018/10/181031141437.htm.